My children didn't like me and at times hated me. My wife hated everything about me. I was destroying my family and I had no clue as to why things
weren't going my way.

  All I knew was that I was very unhappy and I figured that if I was going to be unhappy and then everyone around me was going to be unhappy too. I became a very abusive person. The only time I would talk to my children was
when they were doing something wrong or when I was ordering them to do something. There was no love in my words or actions. Even my wife tried to talk to me and to tell me how everyone felt but I just shunned her and told her that she didn't know what she was talking about. I continued to do what I wanted to do. It didn't take much to send me into an uncontrollable fit of rage. Sometimes I was just looking for a reason to hit a wall or to break something. Life in my house was hell. No one wanted to be there especially when I was home.

 My children's behavior got worst and I got madder. I seemed as if they where purposely trying to make me angry. Their grades slipped, they would hang out with people that I didn't approve of. They started stealing money from us and lying. Even my son got to the point that he would talk back to me and
even got in my face and clinch his fist ready to swing at me. My wife seemed to be in a daze all the time. She was in a deep depression and I didn't seem to care. All I cared about was what I was going through not them. We became very separated from one another and I started spending more and more
time on the computer not facing what I have become or what I have done to my family. Trying to escape.

Even my neighbors tried to talk to me about what was going on and all that did was make me more determined that everyone was out to get me. They
didn't know what they were talking about. My world was crashing down on me. I had no friends. I was alone.

It wasn't until one day after I was arrested for slapping my son that that I realized that this has to stop. I had to stop the cycle. I wanted to change my life I was tired if being unhappy and miserable.I didn't like what I had become. But I didn't know how I was going to do it. While sitting in jail I started thinking about my life since there isn't much to do in jail but sleep and think. I tried to remember back to when I was happier and people really liked me and I liked myself and it dawned on me it was right after I accepted Jesus into my heart as Lord and Savour. I remembered back then in 1975 my life was great, I felt as if everything had been lifted off me and nothing could hurt me any more.  After time though I lost my excitement and started looking else where for my thrills and enjoyment and at first it was great but after awhile I believe it all caught up with me and I turned into someone that I didn't like. I started using drugs. I would go out with girls just to get them into bed and if they didn't want to comply then I would look else where. I hated or at lease I convinced myself that I hated people. I almost committed suicide because things where getting to be too much for me to deal with.

I too came from an abusive home and with out thinking I carried that around with me and into my relationships. I became the person that I swore I would never become. Doing the things that I said I would never do.

 So while I was sitting there in jail I decided that I was going to turn my life back over to God. What did I have to loose nothing else seemed to help. The
next day when I was released and I told my wife my plans. She said that was great but I could tell she felt like this was one more of my I'm sorry stunts. I was bound and determined to prove to her that I meant what I said this time.

 My children thought that this was a phase that I was going through and I would shortly turn back into my old self. I recommitted my life to God and I
haven't turned back. That has been 2 years ago and I'm still committed to God. Don't get me wrong there has been some struggles but with God on
my side it is well worth it. My life with my children and wife has taken a complete 180 degree turn around. What amazes me the most is that we really talk now. There is no more of me doing the ordering around. My kids come to me with problems now. Where in the my kids and wife would keep things from
me for fear of the way I would handle it. I have two Grand children who I believe that where sent from God to teach me what unconditional love is all about. I'm so much happier now and I know that I couldn't have done any of it without God's help. I Praise God for every day that my wife stayed with me after all the terrible things that I have done and she has found it in her heart and I don't know where to forgive me. My wife and I have been married 13 years now and our relationship is better now than it has ever been. God is great and I can't Praise Him enough for what He has done for my family and
me.

Tom Reeder